I do not like them, Mary I am. I do not want the Cubs to win.

With thanks to Dr. Seuss.

I AM FAN. NEW I AM. FAN. NEW FAN I AM.

THAT NEW FAN! THAT CUBS FAN! WELL – I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN.

WOULD YOU LIKE THE CURSE TO END?

I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN.

WOULD YOU LIKE THEM AT WRIGLEY FIELD?

I WOULD NOT LIKE THEM AT WRIGLEY FIELD
I WOULD NOT LIKE THEM IN CLEVELAND.
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

WOULD YOU LIKE THEM TO ADVANCE?
WOULD YOU LIKE THEM TO HAVE A CHANCE?

I DO NOT WANT THEM TO ADVANCE
I DO NOT WANT THEM TO HAVE A CHANCE.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN WRIGLEY FIELD
I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN CLEVELAND.
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

WOULD YOU WATCH THEM ON A BOX
WOULD YOU WATCH THEM ON FOX?

NOT ON A BOX. NOT ON FOX.
NOT TO ADVANCE. NOT TO HAVE A CHANCE.
I WOULD NOT LIKE THEM IN WRIGLEY FIELD.
I WOULD NOT LIKE THEM IN CLEVELAND.
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

WAS IT? A GAME? WITH THE CARDS?
BEAT THEM? BEAT THEM? MAYBE IT’S PART.

IT COULD BE, THAT GAME, WITH THE CARDS.

YOU MAY LIKE THEM. YOU WILL SEE.
YOU MAY LIKE THEM IN IVY!

I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT IN IVY
THEY BEAT THE CARDS! YOU LET ME BE.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM ON A BOX.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM ON FOX.
I DO NOT WANT THEM TO ADVANCE.
I DO NOT WANT THEM TO HAVE A CHANCE.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM AT WRIGLEY FIELD.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN CLEVELAND.
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

THE EL! THE EL! THE EL! THE EL!
COULDN’T YOU SAY – “OH, WHAT THE HELL?”

NOT ON THE EL! NO WAY IN HELL!
THEY BEAT THE CARDS! YOU LET ME BE!
I DO NOT LIKE ON A BOX.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM ON FOX.
I DO NOT WANT THEM TO ADVANCE.
I DO NOT WANT THEM TO HAVE A CHANCE.
I WILL NOT LIKE THEM IN WRIGLEY FIELD.
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

SAY! IN THE DARK? HERE IN THE DARK!
SEE? NOW THEY’RE PLAYING – IN THE DARK.

I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT, IN THE DARK.

WOULD YOU COULD YOU IN THE RAIN?

I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT IN THE RAIN.
NOT IN THE RAIN: THERE’D BE NO GAME.
“LET’S PLAY TWO,” BANKS WOULD SAY.
AND THEY’D PLAY TWO GAMES THE NEXT DAY.
BUT I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN
NOT AT WRIGLEY, NOT ON A BOX.
NOT IN CLEVELAND. NOT ON FOX.
I WILL NOT LIKE THEM, TO BE FAIR –
I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANYWHERE!

YOU DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN?

I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

COULD YOU, WOULD YOU, WITH A GOAT?

FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT OLD GOAT

THE GOAT CURSED THEM IN 1945
HE ONLY WANTED TO BE ALIVE
TO GO TO A BALLGAME –
THE ESSENCE OF LIVING
BUT HIS SCENT COULD NOT BE FORGIVEN.
HE WAS SENT AWAY AND HIS OWNER GAVE A CURSE
YOU WON’T WIN THE PENNANT, NOT WITH MY PURSE.

I COULD NOT, WOULD NOT, HURT THAT GOAT.
I THINK THAT GOAT WILL GET MY VOTE.
I COULD NOT WATCH THEM IN THE RAIN.
THEY PLAY IN THE DARK! EVEN IN IVY?
THEY BEAT THE CARDS – YOU LET ME BE!
I DO NOT LIKE THEM ON A BOX.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM ON FOX.
I DO NOT WATCH THEIR BULLPEN.
I DO NOT WATCH OL’ JOE MADDON.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM AT WRIGLEY FIELD.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN CLEVELAND.
I DO NOT WANT THE CUBS TO WIN
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, MARY I AM.

YOU DO NOT LIKE THEM. SO YOU SAY.
TRY THEM! TRY THEM! AND YOU MAY.
TRY THEM AND YOU MAY, I SAY.

FAN! I ASSURE YOU THIS WILL NEVER BE.
I WILL NEVER LIKE THEM. YOU WILL SEE.

(… and She tries them …)

SAY! I DO NOT MIND JOE MADDON
I DO! I LIKE HIS SPECTACLES
I THINK IT WOULD BE DELECTABLE
TO CURSE THEM AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!
FOR I DISLIKE THEM IN THE RAIN.
AND IN THE DARK: A SECOND GAME
AGAINST THE CARDS AND IN IVY.
WHO ARE THESE CUB FANS? THEY’LL NEVER BE ME
SO I WILL SEE THEM ON A BOX.
AND I WILL SEE THEM ON FOX.
I DO NOT WANT THEM TO ADVANCE.
I DON’T WANT THEM TO HAVE A CHANCE

AND THAT’S THE PROBLEM I’VE DIVINED
THE CUBS, THAT TEAM, COULD BE BETTER THAN MINE?

I WILL SEE THEM AT WRIGLEY FIELD
SAY! I WILL SEE THEM IN CLEVELAND.

BUT I CANNOT ROOT FOR CHICAGO THEN –
OR I WOULD LOSE MY INHERITANCE.
I AM SO SORRY, MY DEAR CUB FANS!
I CAN’T! I WON’T, FOR MARY I AM.

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